My Father the Disappearing Man

My Marriage and My life  in Caring for my father with early onset Dementia 

Where do I begin? 

I guess I'll begin at the beginning of the diagnosis.  

It was brought to my attention that my dad was experiencing memory issues by my aunt.  My dad lived in a small town 2 hrs away. I went to visit one Thanksgiving holiday and it was a running joke that he had alzheimers. 

"He really needs to see a doctor. I think it's his thyroid. " She is a nurse and I could see she was urging the seriousness of the situation.  My father had just turned 60.

He would not see a doctor . He would not look into Medicaid.  This went on for some time while his memory got worse.  

I became engaged to my husband shortly after.  Planning a wedding in February the following year. 

My father was there. We had a small gathering after the wedding and my dad told me he had something for me in his car.  

We had a few drinks and a few laughs and maybe an hour and a half  after our vows my father was leaving.  I was surprised he was leaving so soon.  I asked him what he had for me.  And he had no idea what I was talking about. He hugged me and left. 

Just a few months later, he moved to my city, Found a place to live and everything seemed ok for about 2 weeks.  He spontaneously informed me one day about one month later that he was moving back to his small town.  

And then 3 months later... said he was moving back to my city and getting a job as a substitute teacher.  He came and stayed at my house for 4 days.  In those 4 days he drove around every day. Never completing the things needed to get a job substituting.  

He left one morning while I was at work. Back to the small town again.  This was not normal behavior for him at all. 

I called him a few days later begging him to see a doctor.  

I vowed to help him acquire insurance and a doctor.  

He AGREED. 

Getting a diagnosis for Dementia is not as straight forward as some might think.  

He got a referral from a general practitioner to see a neurologist.  

After an MRI and EEG the doctor informed us there wasn't an issue.  

"Then why can't he remember my birthday? Why can't he work?" tears in my eyes. 

The neurologist had ZERO answers and I was FRUSTRATED.  I WANTED FUCKING ANSWERS BECAUSE SOMETHING WAS SERIOUSLY WRONG.  

I made an appointment with a neuropsychologist. 

BOOM.  DEMENTIA. 

I urge anyone looking for answers and a diagnosis for serious memory issues to get an evaluation by a neuropsychologist.  ASAP.

Went BACK to the neurologist with the diagnosis and it was honored.  He was given medication immediately.  

This medication made him so fucking sick.  He lost nearly 40 pounds in three months.  

He was switched to a patch which took care of his trouble eating.  

We have moved into a house together.  Me, my husband, two girls and my dad and it's absolutely BIZARRO WORLD.  

Navigating being a wife, my father's payee for social security, my father's awareness of losing independence, being a mother and mourning the most important man in my life  while he's still alive is something NOTHING can prepare you for. 

I plan on sharing all of this journey in every raw detail. 

For every person going through this. 

I'm so so sorry. 

Until next time...

KEEP IT TOGETHER.